A Meaningful Life

A teaching by Emily Esfahani Smith.

The pursuit of happiness (a state of comfort and ease, feeling good at the moment; most often via success) is actually counterproductive as it could actually make you unhappy and lonely. Instead search for meaning in life. Our search for meaning in this life stems from a realization of our mortality and a resulting question: How do I live given the fact that I will die?

According to Emily, a meaningful life is when you connect (belong to) and contribute (serve) to something beyond yourself (i.e. family, work, God etc.). People who have meaningful lives have one or more of the following four pillars:

Belonging – the state of being in a relationship or group where you are valued for who you are intrinsically and you value others similarly. You are valued for who you are, not what you do, believe or have. You believe your life matters to others and vice versa. This springs from love. Learn to slow down to talk to others and treat them as humans. Avoid rejecting these people in small ways (did not greet them, did not reply a question asked or did not notice a change in their lives etc.). Learn to value those around you – don’t make them invisible and unworthy. Live and lead with love always.

Purpose – this is seen in what you give, not what you want; it is using your strengths to serve others (work very often helps you do this and that is why it is so important to many). To have a meaningful life, you need something worthwhile to do. This sense of purpose drives you forward in life.

Transcendence – when you are lifted above the hustle and bustle of life and feel connected to a higher reality (looking at art, church worship, writing etc.).

Storytelling – this refers to the story you tell yourself about yourself, stories that help bring clarity and understanding as to how you became you. Storytelling creates a coherent life that makes sense. Remember: we are the authors of our own stories. As such we can change the way we tell our stories. We should edit, evaluate and reinterpret our life stories. A common bad narrative that needs change is one that follows the following line of thought: “My life was good but now it isn’t.” Instead change your story concerning the same situation/condition with this line of thought: “Before, my life was bad but when ________ happened, I realized, changed, experienced etc. . . .” In other words, tell redemptive stories, where bad is redeemed by good, growth, love. But how do we go about changing our stories? By reflecting on our life thoughtfully. Ask questions like, “How did the experience define me?” or “What did I lose and what did I gain from this?” Do note though that changing stories takes time and can be painful.

(Hear Emily explain these points here and here)